HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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