it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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