Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
