that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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