Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
