my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
