Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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