P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need a beard to bite.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
