i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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