If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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