I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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