why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
