I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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