So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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