So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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