I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
