The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
