my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
