dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
