So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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