Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
