The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
