I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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