I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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