there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
sex in a hospital.. check
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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