i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize