she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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