It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
