Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What a dumb baby whore.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize