Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
