ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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