Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You ruined the universe
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize