I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
