im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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