I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
