I think my vagina is haunted
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
