Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
