whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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