i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
