What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love having hate sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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