He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
