I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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