Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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