did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A bitchslap is in order.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
