I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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