Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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