i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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