Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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