The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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