Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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