i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
