Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
