I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
