He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
