Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
