Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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