haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
