so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
