Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize