You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
