Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
