i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
