Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
