Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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