haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
