Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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