Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
