Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
