we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
