it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
