if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
