He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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