For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
