ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
third nipple confirmed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
