Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
